Long story short. Started CSE Prep. Continued CSE Preparations. Meanwhile met with a lot of new people in office. Lots of workload. Got awards at my workplace, but the inner feeling of failure in exams still haunts me. SB has been very supportive, despite having minor indifferences between us. She’s a very aspirational woman, but sometimes very spend thrifty and tries multiple things at once, eventually hitting roadblocks on most of them. Have always said to go one by one, but who listens.
Now, I’m actually at crossroads. This thing I’ll have to sort out. My mom is telling me to, maybe prepare again for RBI and SEBI instead of UPSC. She is worried about my age factor. So, maybe I’ll again have to tread those paths which I crossed long back. All the Economics, Polity, Geography, History almost in vain. But then, I think the age factor is a serious thing. Man, a midlife crisis at 28 hits harder than anything else in life. Even a receding hairline doesn’t affect me than being unsuccessful in government jobs.
One year since, I failed the prestigious RBI Grade B Exam with a small margin. It was my pride that I had decided to give up banking exams. But I think, for a bigger picture in life, one needs to consider these exams as a stepping stone. I explained ma that it is difficult for me to move to something else. But she was like there are thousands of people who failed and finally succeeded. Don’t let one failure decide your destination. Keep trying. So, maybe I’ll try again for these exams.
Honestly, I was not at all satisfied with the RBI outcome. I was almost expecting to be in. Then my pride did not allow me to even think of banking exams. But then, my age is increasing. Parents are even slowly telling me to get married, which is a huge problem. If I myself am not settled, then how do I expect the other person to understand me. I believe that even if I crack these banking exams, I am sure I will never continue in the same and keep trying for Civil Services.
Let’s see. Atleast I’ll be able to get ample time for my Civil Services exam. Currently workplace is in ruins. Immense workload, and CSE Prep needs a bit time in both morning as well as evening. I am clocking 10+ hours in office, which is a huge challenge. Let’s see if SEBI / RBI / NABARD can help me out in this 2023 cycle.
